Fake Orgasms Are…
Some people go their entire lives without ever having an orgasm.
Some people only occasionally have orgasms, but never during intercourse.
Some people occasionally have orgasms during intercourse, but not every time.
And of course, some people have orgasms every time they have sex or masturbate. But they are the exception.
What surprises some people is that there are almost as many men in every one of these groups as there are women.
What do you do if you are that person, or you are in a relationship with that person? Check out the question from one of our readers below (edited for length):
Alex, what are the statistics on men who do not have orgasms during sex? I have times that I cannot have an orgasm (not all the time but on occasion) and it concerns me because my girlfriend seems to be overly concerned about it. She gets insecure that I didn’t and acts like it somehow reflects badly on her.
Honestly, knowing that she had a good time and is satisfied is all that really matters to me because if she is satisfied then I am satisfied.
Well, It finally got to the point that whenever I feel like it won’t be my night too, I will actually fake it, just to spare her feelings.
Am I doing the right thing by lying to spare her feelings? Why does she worry so much about it anyway? I’m the GUY so it’s my job to make sure she is taken care of and that’s all that matters to me! We did have conversations about it and I told her what I already mentioned, that her feeling good and satisfied and taken care of in that department made me feel amazing whether or not I had an orgasm. But, she still always acted insecure when it came up, until I started faking it. What should I do?
Hey RJ, men not being able to ejaculate or orgasm during sex is pretty common– but nobody has any really scientific numbers on it, and very little research has been done. I get plenty of emails about it though, and I’ve worked with quite a few men who have had the issue.
MOST of the men have one of these 3 things going on (though not all):
1) Most common is too much porn. Cut it out, completely, for at least 30 days, but possibly as long as 90 for anything resembling normal function to return. (This subject is so important, and particularly for younger men, that I’m going to be doing a webinar on the subject next week).
I’ll also include a sub-set of men who use kung-fu grip while masturbating and can’t get off with the considerably less vigorous friction and strength of a woman’s vaginal muscles.
2) Older men whose T levels and libido have dropped but still love sex and often (not always) are using Viagra to get an erection, often find that they just don’t shoot every time anymore.
3) Men on libido killing prescription depressants like SSRIs very often have trouble with either gaining an erection or ejaculating, or both.
Let’s get to the important bit however, since you don’t seem at all concerned with the issue in terms of YOUR pleasure.
So you’re saying to me that you really don’t understand why she’d be insecure about this?
Come on my man, let’s be honest here– if the tables were turned and she didn’t have an orgasm during sex, and finally rolled off and said, “hey, let’s stop because I’m getting tired. I didn’t come, but as long as YOU’RE satisfied, I’M satisfied.”
Haha… well, I get a TON emails from men who are near SUICIDAL over that exactly situation– and I’m pretty sure, Mr. RJ who says, “Honestly, knowing that she had a good time and is satisfied is all that really matters to me”… that you’d be up a tree over it!
Now, let’s take it one step further:
You find out one day that she was regularly faking it to spare your feelings. Feel good about that?
After all, if she’s been lying about her orgasm, what else might she be lying about? How do you know she’s not cheating or thinking about cheating?? How do you know it’s true when she says she loves you?
Sitting with this little role-reversal exercise will actually tell you everything you need to know about how to deal with this, but let’s pretend that you’re just not getting it, and I’ll lay it out for you:
She doesn’t want to hear, “as long as YOU liked it, it’s all good